Confidence is something we all struggle with from time to time. We want to feel sure of ourselves, but those little whispers of self-doubt show up whenever we want to put ourselves out there, take risks, or try something new. They tell us to play it safe and do things the way we’ve always done them to avoid getting hurt, embarrassed, or rejected, but you don’t always have to listen to them. In fact, doing things your conscience deems unsafe or out-of-the-norm is a great way to build confidence.
Cultivating confidence is the first step toward healthy self-esteem and personal growth, but it isn’t easy for most people. In order to foster confidence, you may have to do something you’ve never done or think in a way you haven’t thought. This can be scary, but know that cognitive restructuring and adjusting behaviors are essential parts of many types of effective therapy.
Defining the Difference: Self-Efficacy, and Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence
While most people generally think of self-esteem and self-confidence as two names for the same thing, and probably rarely think about the term “self-efficacy,” these three terms hold slightly different meanings for the psychologists who study them (Druckman & Bjork, 1994; Oney, & Oksuzoglu-Guven, 2015).
What is Self-Efficacy?
Albert Bandura is arguably the most cited author on the subject of self-efficacy, and he defines self-efficacy as an individual’s beliefs about their capacity to influence the events in their own lives (Bandura, 1977).
This differs from self-esteem in an important way: the definition of self-esteem often rests on ideas about an individual’s worth or worthiness, while self-efficacy is rooted in beliefs about an individual’s capabilities to handle future situations. In this sense, self-esteem is more of a present-focused belief while self-efficacy is more of a forward-looking belief.
What is Self-Esteem?
The most influential voices in self-esteem research were, arguably, Morris Rosenberg and Nathaniel Branden. In his 1965 book, Society and the Adolescent Self-Image, Rosenberg discussed his take on self-esteem and introduced his widely used accepted Self-Esteem Scale.
His definition of self-esteem rested on the assumption that it was a relatively stable belief about one’s overall self-worth. This is a broad definition of self-esteem, defining it as a trait that is influenced by many different factors and is relatively difficult to change.
In contrast, Branden believes self-esteem is made up of two distinct components: self-efficacy, or the confidence we have in our ability to cope with life’s challenges, and self-respect, or the belief that we are deserving of happiness, love, and success (1969).
The definitions are similar, but it is worth noting that Rosenberg’s definition relies on beliefs about self-worth, a belief which can have wildly different meanings to different people, while Branden is more specific about which beliefs are involved in self-esteem.
What about those who have too much self-esteem? Narcissism is the result of having too much self-esteem. A psychological definition would be an extreme amount of selfishness, with a grandiose view of one’s own talents and a craving for admiration.
Self-esteem at high and low levels can be damaging so it is important to strike a balance in the middle. A realistic but positive view of the self is often ideal.
Where does self-esteem come from? What influence does it have on our lives? Self-esteem is often seen as a personality trait, which means it tends to be stable and enduring.
What is Self-Confidence?
This is likely the most used term for these related concepts outside of psychological research, but there is still some confusion about what exactly self-confidence is. One of the most cited sources about self-confidence refers to it as simply believing in oneself (Bénabou & Tirole, 2002).
Another popular article defines self-confidence as an individual’s expectations of performance and self-evaluations of abilities and prior performance (Lenney, 1977).
Finally, Psychology Dictionary Online defines self-confidence as an individual’s trust in his or her own abilities, capacities, and judgments, or belief that he or she can successfully face day to day challenges and demands (Psychology Dictionary Online).
Self-confidence also brings about more happiness. Typically, when you are confident in your abilities you are happier due to your successes. When you are feeling better about your capabilities, the more energized and motivated you are to take action and achieve your goals.
Self-confidence, then, is similar to self-efficacy in that it tends to focus on the individual’s future performance; however, it seems to be based on prior performance, and so in a sense, it also focuses on the past.
Many psychologists tend to refer to self-efficacy when considering an individual’s beliefs about their abilities concerning a specific task or set of tasks, while self-confidence is more often referred to as a broader and more stable trait concerning an individual’s perceptions of overall capability.
To help you on your journey to become more confident, here are eight suggestions to get you started:
Focus on Your Strengths
When you are in a situation where you want to appear confident, it can be helpful to focus on the skills and abilities you feel most confident about. Choose something you know you are good at. Then focus on highlighting or projecting that quality.
By leading with your strengths, you’ll feel more secure and empowered—which can also help you project a sense of confidence.
Shifting your focus to your strengths can magnify those abilities while minimizing the things you feel less confident about. Because your abilities and talents will loom larger in your mind, you will feel more capable and accomplished at the moment when you need to project those feelings the most.
Talk Yourself Up
Start noticing the self-talk that you use when you are in situations where you are trying to exude confidence. Do you engage in negative self-talk? Examples of this might include thinking to yourself that you are going to make a mistake or that you can’t handle the situation.
While you might think that these thoughts aren’t that big of a deal, they can have a serious impact on your ability to stay confident. By regularly thinking negative thoughts about yourself and your abilities, you might eventually convince yourself that you really don’t have what it takes to succeed.
Talking negatively to yourself leads to self-limiting beliefs; the more you tell yourself you can’t do something or that you are bad at something, the more likely you are to believe it. It impairs motivation and can even contribute to feelings of depression.
Positive self-talk, on the other hand, has been shown to be strongly associated with success.2
If you tend to engage in negative self-talk, start working on reframing your thoughts to be more positive and optimistic. For example, you might work on reminding yourself that there are positive sides to every situation. Talking to yourself positively is a great way to boost your sense of self-efficacy so that you feel better able to succeed and deal with whatever you are facing.
Prime Yourself for Success
Priming is a phenomenon in which being exposed to one type of stimulus can affect how you respond to a subsequent stimulus. You can utilize this tendency by priming yourself for positivity and success.
For example, research has found that among athletes, priming activities that focused on goals led to increased self-confidence. For athletes, this can play an essential role in their performance and athletic success.3
Remind Yourself of Past Success
One way you can prime your mind to help you exude confidence is to think about a time when you have felt successful or powerful. Spend a few minutes writing about the experience. You’ll be more likely to carry those feelings of power with you in the future.
In one experiment, researchers had participants recall a time when they felt powerful. Afterward, the participants either wrote an application letter or interviewed for a job. Independent judges who read these letters and observed these interviews found that those who had been primed by recalling their own experiences with power performed significantly better.4
Look for Inspiration
Looking to confident people you admire, reading inspirational statements, or repeating a motivating mantra can also be a way to boost your confidence when you need it. The key is to choose realistic role models or statements that reflect achievable goals.
While you might be tempted to pump yourself up with aspirational quotes or feel-good affirmations, research suggests you should exercise caution when selecting motivational quotes. This is because unrealistic or overly positive inspirational quotes can sometimes backfire.
For example, research has found that people who have low self-esteem actually feel worse when they encounter excessively positive feedback.5
So look for things that help you feel inspired or confident, whether it’s motivational quotes or other types of messages. Just make sure you pick things that actually help, and not hurt, your confidence.
Avoid Making Comparisons
While finding sources of positive inspiration can help you exude confidence, it is important to avoid comparing yourself to other people unfavorably. When you make such comparisons, whether you are looking at their performance, appearance, or other qualities, it can ultimately make you feel worse about yourself.
Upward social comparisons in particular, or contrasting yourself unfavorably to people who seem “better” than you in some way, can be particularly damaging. According to one study, making such comparisons leads to feelings of envy. The more envy people feel, the worse they feel about themselves.6
The next time you find yourself comparing yourself or feeling envious, shift your focus over to your own strengths and abilities. It’s great to admire people and feel inspired by them—just be careful to avoid jealousy or envy.
Take on New Challenges
While you might be tempted to simply avoid the situations that leave you feeling less confident, doing so can actually increase your anxiety and lessen your faith in your abilities. Research has found that practicing the things you fear can help reduce anxiety and improve self-confidence.7
This doesn’t mean that you should throw yourself into a situation that you’re not ready for. Taking on too much and failing might actually make you feel less capable in the long run.
Instead, try gradually practicing things you find intimidating—whether it’s giving a speech or networking at a professional event. This can help you build confidence in your ability to succeed in those circumstances.
As you take more steps toward gaining experience and expertise in those areas, you can build a solid foundation that will fuel your confidence without risking setbacks that might negatively affect your self-esteem.
Tame Your Nerves
Confident people tend to appear relaxed and at ease even in high-pressure situations. Exuding confidence often involves finding a way to deal with feelings of anxiety.
Some things that might help calm your nervousness in these moments:
- Remind yourself that other people don’t see you the same way you see yourself. You might feel nervous on the inside, but that doesn’t mean that other people can see that anxiety. People have other things to think about, including their own worries, so remember that they aren’t focusing on you as much as you think they are.
- Take some deep breaths. Research has found that deep breathing can be a highly effective tool for easing feelings of anxiety in stressful moments.8
- Accept your emotions. Remember that it’s fine to be nervous and everyone feels uncertain and anxious at times. These feelings don’t control the outcome. Instead of judging your emotions or trying to avoid them, accept them and remind yourself that your feelings don’t necessarily reflect reality.
Practicing relaxation techniques such as visualization and progressive muscle relaxation can also help you calm your mind and body in stressful situations.
Exude Confidence With Body Language
Confident body language can make you feel more secure and competent. Body language signals that can help you feel more in control include:
- Standing with both feet firmly on the ground
- Avoiding fidgeting
- Making eye contact with other people
- Mirroring other people’s body language
Practicing these body positions and signals beforehand can help. Look for opportunities to put your body language to work and pay attention to how you feel as a result.
In a “TED Talk” on body language, social psychologist Amy Cuddy suggested that using “power poses” signals to your brain that you are more confident. These signals then help lower levels of stress hormones in the body, which can ultimately help you feel more relaxed and confident.9
Using powerful body language can help you project confidence and even help you feel more self-assured.
A Take-Home Message: It’s a Process
The bottom line is that a healthy sense of self-confidence is not something that we achieve once and then just have for the rest of our lives. If you are a parent, teacher, or someone else who interacts with children frequently, notice whether you are trying to build children’s self-esteem through protecting and praising them.
Consider what you are encouraging the child to learn from their actions, provide them with enough opportunities to safely learn through failure and offer them space to build their courage and express their self-efficacy.
No matter how confident they are, there will be a moment when they will need to draw from a deep well of self-esteem, resilience, and problem-solving to successfully navigate a complex and challenging world.
Self-confidence waxes and wanes and takes work to build, develop and maintain. We all experience moments which challenge our confidence, however, when we understand the sources of healthy self-confidence we can always work on cultivating it within ourselves.
What do you think about the challenge of building self-confidence? How do you feel about building self-confidence in education? What is your greatest confidence maker or breaker? Let us know in the comments box below.
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Perry P. Concept analysis: Confidence/self-confidence. Nurs Forum. 2011;46(4):218-30. doi:10.1111/j.1744-6198.2011.00230.x
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Walter N, Nikoleizig L, Alfermann D. Effects of self-talk training on competitive anxiety, self-efficacy, volitional skills, and performance: an intervention study with junior sub-elite athletes. Sports (Basel). 2019;7(6):148. doi:10.3390/sports7060148
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Lyu W, Zhang L. Effect of unconscious goal priming on athletes’ self-confidence. J of Sci in Sport and Exercise. 2020;2(2):120-131. doi:10.1007/s42978-020-00056-3
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Lammers J, Dubois D, Rucker DD, Galinsky AD. Power gets the job: Priming power improves interview outcomes. Journal of Experimental Social Psychology. 2013;49(4):776-779. doi:10.1016/j.jesp.2013.02.008
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Bedrov A, Bulaj G. Improving self-esteem with motivational quotes: opportunities for digital health technologies for people with chronic disorders. Front Psychol. 2018;9:2126. doi:10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02126
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Vrabel JK, Zeigler-Hill V, Southard AC. Self-esteem and envy: Is state self-esteem instability associated with the benign and malicious forms of envy? Personality and Individual Differences. 2018;123:100-104. doi:10.1016/j.paid.2017.11.001
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Sars D, van Minnen A. On the use of exposure therapy in the treatment of anxiety disorders: A survey among cognitive behavioural therapists in the Netherlands. BMC Psychol. 2015;3(1):26. Published 2015 Aug 5. doi:10.1186/s40359-015-0083-2
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Zaccaro A, Piarulli A, Laurino M, et al. How breath-control can change your life: a systematic review on psycho-physiological correlates of slow breathing. Front Hum Neurosci. 2018;12:353. Published 2018 Sep 7. doi:10.3389/fnhum.2018.00353
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Cuddy A. Your body language may shape who you are. TED Talks. Published June 2012.